Here’s a beautiful Story about a couple who Dated for 8 YEARS WITHOUT SEX… Life Coach, Solomon Buchi Bartholomew had an Exclusive chat with the bride, Omobolanle Adeyemo on his Facebook Timeline..and it was monitored by www.yabaleftonline.com and her story is beautiful! Take your time and read… Remember, you read it First Here! Good. Great having you Omobolanle Adeyemo. So kindly let us know you better. Briefly introduce yourself. My name is Omobolanle Adeyemo. Although I am now Omobolanle Awoyemi. Popularly called ‘Omoby’ by family and friends. Omoby was the name given to me from birth by my family, more of my dad, to distinguish his name from mine. He’s Omobolanle as well. I trained as a Quantity Surveyor and hold two degrees in similar fields, but beyond the construction industry, I enjoy counselling in the areas of Relationships and Careers. My focus is to help youth maximise their purpose to succeed and achieve their dreams. I also help youth debunk all myth about fears to help them live their dreams. I am a total abstinence advocate and believe in youths keeping themselves sexually pure…until Marriage. I am 29 years old, currently on my doctorate degree, the last girl, in the family of four. I enjoy writing, teaching and reading. I am a shoe fetish! I love books as well. You don’t ever borrow my books without returning them. I’d chase you, hunt you, until I find you! You got married last month after an eight years dating relationship without sex. I was supposed to be in your wedding but you know I couldn’t make it.
The first question I’ll like to ask you is; How did you meet him? What attracted you to him? When? Well, we were classmates, level mates and all that. He was the extremely intelligent one in class. Always topping the class in tests and exams and I was like, it wouldn’t be bad to have this guy as a friend o. Nothing personal. I just wanted him to be a friend because the guy is damn good, especially that I had dreams of graduating with a first class. Lol, I wish! On his own while, he saw this slim, smart and beautiful babe, me and was crushing on her. He came to introduce himself to me which I can’t even remember. I just knew we became friends somehow. Then when I moved to my own apartment which was so close to his house, he told me that was one of his best days. He’d teach me difficult modules, help me with stuff and was generally a good friend. It was in our Part three in University, he asked me out. Took me 6 months or thereabout to give my consent. I like that he didn’t pressure me. He left me alone to make my choice. He’s smart and confident like that. I gave my consent to start a relationship with him because we shared same values: sexual and all. I saw him as focused, ambitious and reasonable. I wanted somebody who would not pressure me for sex, a well self-controlled man. Specifically, I desired to do it first and last. I didn’t like all the heartbreaks I saw my sisters and friends go through. Ha! It brought tears and heartaches. To God be the glory, I got that! I am his first and he’s mine as well. 😉 😉 We were successfully able to combine academics and our relationship. In class, we were classmates. Outside, we were lovers :p ;). He graduated with a First Class Honours as the best in the department and Faculty while I was rated the most improved student who rose from a Third Class Grade to a Second Class Upper Division. We were the talk of Uni. Everyone wanted to know how we did it. Lecturers used us as great examples (even though some of them were skeptical at the onset). Younger ones wanted to know how we successfully combined both without one or both falling apart. I’d say, we were focused. We helped eachother a lot. He was the one doing more of the helping though because he’s the smarter one who grabs things faster.
What attracted me to him? 1. He had godly values that aligned with mine. I was not ready to compromise on some of them. When I discovered through friendship with him that our values clicked, the attraction spurred. 2. I desired a guy smarter or as smart as me. As said earlier, he was always helping me out with modules. I like that he was just always there to help. I didn’t want a guy who would dim my shine. 3. He studied me. There’s a part of me which people hardly get to know. He discovered that I often wrote out my feelings in journals. Such a sacred book nobody was allowed to read. He was able to penetrate through. 4. I like that he knew where he was heading and took action steps towards them. He knew what job he could take and not take, he knew where he wanted to be in few years and he was very proactive about his life. 5. He possessed good fruits that spoke everywhere he went. Nobody had a bad thing to say about him. I investigated. Because we were classmates though, our friends were mutual, notwithstanding, every one had a good thing to say about him. Friends attested to his character and person. Then when my sisters met him, they said I had made a good choice. That to me confirmed everything. A Question From A reader reads: Believe me when I say,i have been in a non sexual relationship and I know how hard it can be. So my question is, How do u guys do it. As in dating for 8 years without sex?
The Bible says can two walk together except they agree? Trust me when I tell you that the two of us made it happen because we both agreed to a non sexual relationship from the let go. Our convictions were personal. We were not going it for anyone but were personally convinced it was best for both of us and because God instructs same. I think problem arises when one party isn’t up for the abstinence game while the other is or one party is doing it selfishly for the other without any genuine personal convictions. It’s impossible for two people to agree on a thing and not achieve it. Remember the story of the tower of Babel? The irony is that when he started asking me out, I didn’t like him. There was no iota of attraction at all. I was almost turning him down. But I remember the words of my friend, Sandra, not real names, who told me to just talk to God about it. My relationship with God is such that I can talk to him about anything and have conversations with him at anytime of the day. Prior to discussing it with Sandra, I didn’t want to tell God about it because I didn’t want to hear His own opinion. I think God would approve him as a potential suitor. I just felt it was not something to give serious thought to jareh! Three months after, on his birthday 9th March, 2009 he invited me to have lunch with him in a new restaurant in town. He held my hands and expressed his sincere intentions to date me. I would say that at this point, I completely saw that he was sincere but I was scared. I didn’t like the idea of dating someone within my age bracket. He is one year older than I am, but I desired to get married to a man who is atleast three years older than me. I expressed all my associated fears and reasons for such expectation, but he reassured me that he was really sincere. I remember the inscription he wrote on a piece of paper as we left the restaurant, reading “I LOVE YOU OMOBOLA’. These words sank into me for a very long time and so several time, I would ask him what he meant by ‘loving me’, what was his idea, what were his expectations? Would he still love me if I exposed and told him everything about me? Would he still claim to love me? I was not under any pressure from him. He completely left me to make a choice and didn’t put me under any unusual intense pressure. I pride myself as one who is not given to intense pressure anyway, but I liked the idea that Temitope seemed different from other guys who would threaten you, pressure or manipulate you to date them. I liked it. I was not scared that he would go away or some other girl would ‘snatch’ him away. Somehow anyway, I told God about his intentions, asking Him if I could go ahead and if indeed he had good plans for me, I got some sort of inner peace about everything. It was God’s positive response to my question. My Friend Sandra also advised that I ask him very key and direct questions. I did. I asked him about his sexual values, his church beliefs, everything I could ask him about. I had also known some answers to some these questions while we were friends. We were 21 and 22 years respectively when we started.
How did we both break the bias? Well, I wouldn’t say we didn’t broke any bias because we did, but what we did was that we were both intentional, serious and straightup with eachother. People knew we were dating and they also knew we were not wasting our time with eachother. They knew we were both serious. I guess that’s because neither of us were double dating or having sexual relations with eachother. Our lecturers were skeptical on the onset because they thought it was going to affect our academics, but when we both graduated excellently well, many of them approved our relationship. Secondly, his character helped to erase any doubts that anyone could have. My parents didn’t frown about my relationship with him at that age because they could attest to his character and person. He tells me that my values did attract me to him. Just like him, he desired to remain sexually pure until Marriage and when he met me, it was an answer to his prayer. Beyond this, my character and attitude endeared him more to me. I was a person working on making myself better for my generation, parents and the world at large. I was constantly improving on myself…not doing all these because I wan5bed a mate but for my own good. He saw this part of me and liked it. Much more, he says that because I didn’t put him under any financial pressure whatsoever. Despite the fact that we started dating in Uni, it was not a time to allow him bear all my financial responsibilities. Furthermore, I was also intentional about my life and knew what I wanted to do with it. I didn’t need a man to bring me happiness. He saw all this in me and loved what he saw.
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